SO I write this a day late because Thursday was one of THOSE days.
It all started with wed night. As you can see above I really did not get much sleep. I’m not sure what I can blame it on except I found my self doing a whole lot of thinking. I’m still not sure how to process my best friends death. After all if I really cared for him as much as I did then why did it take me so long to find out about his death. I could have called his parents home at any time these last two years instead of looking for him online. I did send two letters to his home, I just assumed he got them. I really hoped it was just he made up with his girlfriend who told him she wanted him to have nothing to do with me. That he had moved on to a better part of his life and just choose not to include me. I feel cheated at a chance to grieve. I mean if someone had told me I could have gone to the funeral, I could have been there with other people sharing my emotions. How can I justify feeling this kind of pain for someone who I had no contact with for that long. I guess I always hoped maybe with time he and his girlfriend.. mabye wives relationship would strengthen and she could see I was not a threat and he would call me out of the blue and be like hey stranger and Id say hey punk and it would all be the same again. I just don’t know what to do or what to feel.
So as you can imagine I felt like $#!* all day and honestly I feel like I’m just sick. I went to see the doctor first thing in the morning but they could not get me in till Friday. I still did not do to bad.
Calories taken in:1,493
Calories burned:2,978
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